I am sure to face flak for this. From parents and even some indoctrinated children for whose rights I have decided to take up the cudgel literally and not physically of course. This write up is sure to hit hard on raw nerves and few will appreciate for it will take a particularly evolved soul to understand digest and appreciate the thought behind this article. Well here goes nothing.
A club of billions yet exclusive ever so elusive. You don’t need money education or any particular skill to be a member. And there are billions of members from billionaires to the very poor. It’s a club whose membership requires working biological body parts and a desire to be a parent. Yes my dear friends you hear me right. The Parents club, a close knit heavily fortified and vehemently defended club. You only need a child to a part of this unique collection of people some of whom according to them directly represent God themselves. Before going further let me bring to your attention that I am childless, by choice and not by any other agenda and I don’t write this baleful or bile full but with a perspective that differs from the billions others.
Parents the epitome of sacrifices, surrendering the very essence of their personal selves in bringing up the child and in some cases many. I agree completely and absolutely for what parents go through is no mean task by any lengths. And this is
what the child hears repeatedly right from when he starts taking cognizance of the world around him till theirs or his demise not only from his own parents but by others too for good measure. Expenses incurred are continuously flaunted in the child’s face lest he dare forget for he is expected to reciprocate in kind as soon as able. This holds true for middle class and below more than the upper echelons of society. Something as simple as love and a marriage of choice is grudged and opposed tooth and nail for free will of the child is a sacrilege. From career choices to marriage to the expectation of being taken care of in old age the ownership of a living being is total. Some might find this too bitter there’s more to come.
Do the parents give and give up so much that they start grudging the child somewhere subconsciously? The expectation of unconditional respect and obeisance skillfully or unconsciously is ingrained so well in the child’s mind that he doesn’t get free at any age even after being a parent himself and repeating history. At the risk of sounding an ungrateful wretch I ask did the child ask to be brought into this world? The would b parents knew what they were getting into, so what instinct compels them to go through what they do? And many repeat it not twice but thrice or more. Is it Mother Natures way of preserving the species or maternal paternal instincts at play or peer pressure or societal norms. There’s something that makes them give up life as they knew and surrender completely to a child and his needs. Does this abject surrender cause angst as the child grows older and unfortunately he’s his own person and not a puppet who as expected will follow all wishes and commands with the jerk of a string. The presumption of lifetime gratitude is many a times shattered as the child grown up now refuses to toe the line and goes about his own way only to be condemned not only by biological parents but every parent out there.
The quid pro quo expected from a child as he grows older of unconditional obedience and subservience is either reciprocated sometimes willingly sometimes with a hatred vile and venomous as he goes about his duties with a veneer of civility or outright denied. The expectations of parents are sometimes are similar to an fixed deposit or an investment made that assures security in old age make it alarming to me. Thinking late into the night a friends words came to memory and I would like to share them with you. A very practical approach to the whole circus of expectations reciprocations denials bitterness was that he chose not to be a parent and chose instead to invest the money that goes in rearing a child into guaranteed return instruments. His reasoning being that he didn’t want to go through the entire ordeal of parenthood and spend money to an uncertain future. Too practical logical and cold hearted or just someone who could master his biological urge to an continued lineage and refused to succumb to relentless pressure cruelly inflicted by the society. I leave that for you to decide.
Even as you explore the behavior of non human species the urge to procreate populate rear the young is quite the same as us but only till the young one is able enough to venture out of the cocoon of security offered by the parent. Was this the way nature intended all species to be then why did we let such complications creep into a relationship that was not supposed to last beyond certain years of a child’s life?
Where and what are we doing wrong? For there is strife and generation gaps and unhappiness in every parent child relationship with love, forgiveness and of course the ubiquitous respect thrown in for good measure. How do they weigh against each other I leave that for you to decide.
There are many beautiful relationships out there where the child is respected and his individuality acknowledged without oblations expected at every turn of the his life.
Unburdened he steps into the threshold of adulthood unhindered by shackles of expectations.
An utopia where a child if’s brought into the world, adored cherished taught to hunt or graze to best of his abilities unjudged unasked and let go free of all encumbrances only to come back laughing into frail arms and crinkled smiles.
P.S.
This is gender neutral and every he written can easily be a she too.
Before some start jumping to personal conclusions my father still works at 79 and is more than capable of taking care of himself and as I am physically indisposed it’s my mother who waits hand and foot on me.
The above is weaned from close observation of the Indian society and its rigid ethos.
