The Underbelly of Parenthood.
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It’s been twenty years since I have started taking cognizance of children the interest being vested for married now for twenty five years we had began thinking about having a child. Lot of considering led us to opt go for having no children and instead continue the rollicking lifestyle we had, a decision I rue to the day everyday but that is not why I am writing this. The epilogue is just to make my inexperience in the area known and neither do I hold any psychiatric degree. But what I have is years of astute observations and radical views that are mostly completely contrary to deeply ingrained generations old continued societal sensitivity. I write this after deep contemplation and throw my entire weight behind this write up whatever it’s worth the weight I mean.
Absolute power wielded by parents over the tiny lives till they ultimately rebel or turn into spineless puppets if the power is used wrongly selfishly disgracefully and disdainfully or blossom into perfumed bouquets gentle confident assured if used prudently. The power given to parents right from the birth till sometimes middle ages is God like. I don’t use God like lightly as the power handed over to the parents at the birth is ultimate, complete, total with almost no checks and balances and even if any legitimate concerns are raised by family or friends they are voicelessly shrugged off and the charade goes on. The power is an incongruous blend of love care selflessness adore sleepless nights and busy days and at the same time reckless blatant cruel and utterly selfish. Under the guise and garb of sacrifices yes sacrifices that is a word you will hear a lot as you read on they are sometimes downright cruel sadist and controlling to the extent of wresting the very essence of the child’s soul.
Am I being too critical? Maybe. But I have seen instances around me through my life where the parents go totally wrong committing errors after errors in rearing the child sometimes going so wrong that a life is destroyed forever. The simian like chest beating proclamations of favors bestowed on the child right from when he starts taking cognizance of the world till he withers or an early demise is so deftly ingrained into the child’s psyche that he keeps on reeling under the pressure forever in subconscious debt. But I ask my dear friends a very simple question? Did the child ask to be brought in to existence? Was it not a biological need or societal pressure or maybe even an unprotected encounter that compelled a life to be brought into the world? As someone said and rightly so that the child owes nothing to the parents but the parents owe everything to the child. The expectations of quid pro quo are deplorable. Willing reciprocal Vs compulsory extraction I leave it at that.
What I write so cynical and abrupt is not for the majority. Most do an able job bringing up the child to the best of their abilities with the inevitable mistakes thrown in and taken in stride. But for many where the poor soul is scarred for life because of juvenile attempts at playing god. Till now we were talking about the middle and upwards where physical abuse is a rarity but as this percolates down the social ladder the beatings or tortures are very real. Poor uncomprehending children are treated like filth, made to work from an early age ill equipped to take on the world later due to lack of education, sent for begging and what not or just spend early years curled up in a corner cowering in terror. Things sometimes can get too grotesque here so let’s stick to upper classes where problems are more of mind.
The parents so obtusely ignore the child’s individuality trying to mold the sinless clay into desired shapes but results are formless clumps which wither unable to weather the smallest of storms. And they seek perfection, eminence of spheres ,forgetting that fault and folly are interwoven in beings, conveniently not daring to peer inwards for the mirrors are invariably cracked. Harsh ad hoc decisions so confuse the simple mind that errs get frequent and dilemmas unreal. Unfulfilled ambitions are thrust on tiny shoulders which sag from the weight of academia and the field, mentally flogged to excellence with failures getting personal. The world has become hectic everyone is moving at breakneck speed so the parental zeal towards excellence can’t be grudged much but most of the times they disremember the shoulders are young too young. As they shuffle from the desk to the dug out quivering, I see the parent almighty or gods cruel ways.
Many readers might have felt the write up too cynical and caustic but please remember we are exploring the Underbelly of Parenthood. Utopia if desired is unreal.
Till the next time
Veeru.
